hineni.

frozen embryo transfer eve! ahhhhhh!

once we got our official transfer date this past sunday, I put this necklace of mine on. in 2016, my husband and I were on a trip to Israel, and I was introduced to a hebrew word: hineni. it translates to “here I am”. while its origins come from the bible, the modern use of it is to remind oneself to be present. to be reminded of where they are physically and emotionally in that specific moment in time- where their feet are literally planted on the ground. it struck a huge chord with me, and I had this necklace custom made by a jeweler in Jerusalem while we were still there. (if you dig deep into my blog, I wrote a rather lengthy post about all this once we got back).

I’m feeling all the feels today. my mind has been racing between what can happen from tomorrow on. the good, the bad, and everything in between. excited, anxious, nervous.

…and I’ve been trying so hard to remind myself of hineni. here I am. I’m trying to stay present in each step of this next phase. one day at a time. no foreshadowing or worrying about the future, just be present. it’s hard to do…and I’m really lousy at it. but a simple touch to my necklace reminds to focus on where my feet are, where I’m at in this specific moment in time.

so today, to help distract my brain, I chased pockets of light on my living room floor, with my camera, in my pajamas, at 2pm. here I am on the brink of a new chapter in our story.

here I am.
here I am.
here I am.

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