promise.

I received this message last night. as I read these brave and powerful words, my hands started shaking and I welled up with tears.

I made a promise to them last night that I will never, ever give up…and I hoped that they could promise me the same.

speak your truth, the world will listen and answer back. you are never, ever alone.


“Amanda,

My name is ______. I found your story through your photo in LooksLikeFilm and I looked at some of your recent posts and I wanted to thank you for giving me a really important spark of hope.

I’m not in an infertility battle. I don’t know if I’ll ever become a parent. That’s a choice I’m hoping I get to tackle down the road. But I wanted to thank you, a random stranger I stumbled across on the internet, for sharing your story in a way I believe: honestly. You’re in pain and you’re not shying away from talking about that and I wanted to thank you for a depiction of hope that I can believe in.

I struggle with mental illness, to the extent I recently attempted to take my own life for the third time (which led me to spend 13 days in inpatient treatment this past June, and about a month in intensive outpatient). I’m still in treatment, but not everything I need is accessible to me right now, and it’s hard.

My hope for my own ability to have a life worth living has skyrocketed and plummeted so many times recently. Today was a low day. But seeing your story, about facing this unrelated but also life-altering battle, helped me. It would be so easy for you and your partner to give up, but you’re not. Looking at what you shared convinced me, for the time being, to do the same.

My battle with mental illness is comprised of days. I’ve gotten through all of them so far, despite not always wanting to. I wanted to send this message to thank you for being a spark of hope and a demonstration of resilience that gave me the courage to make it through the rest of this one. Your journey and your depiction of what hope is really like gave me enough of that same emotion to make it to tonight. Tomorrow is going to be another battle, and I don’t know if or how I’ll make it through, but I’m grateful to you for tonight, which is all that matters right now.

I go back and forth on the religion thing, but I also want you to know that I am hoping, with every fibre of my being that I’m able to command, that your story has the most joyful conclusion possible. I can tell that you want this in a way words can’t contain, and for what it’s worth, this random stranger on the internet wants it for you so much it almost hurts. There is no guarantee except for the fact that giving up means it won’t happen.

Thanks for helping me believe that last sentence for today.

Good luck. Thank you.”

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