monday was the start of our second IVF cycle. this calendar hangs on the fridge, helping me keep track of what shots to do when.

I’m taking a shot called lupron for most of the month, and while I’ve stopped going onto the IVF message boards for the sake of my own mental sanity, the one thing that always stood out to me was women complaining about the side effects of lupron. in fact, one post stands out so clearly to me: “lupron nearly ended our marriage.” eek!

so. that’s something fun to look forward to? my husband and I have already debriefed many times…acknowledging that these next few weeks might be hard. but we know it’s temporary. and we know it’s worth it.

that said, monday was rough. spending nearly 8k at 7am at my baseline appointment is a harsh way to start the day. I’m equally mad and sad that we’re doing this again, that this is our life. the emotional ups and downs of being on birth control for the last 6 weeks have been really hard. have you seen the viral video going around of the young boy singing from ‘frozen’ with idina menzel? I watched that yesterday and legit ugly cried. I’m emotionally and mentally tired in so many ways already, and it’s all just going to be amplified and even more intense now.

I’m truly in the mindset of “one day at a time”. I’m not optimistic. I’m not pessimistic. I’m really just waking up each day, and accepting the day for what it is. that might be a whole lotta tears, like monday and part of tuesday was. that might mean a pep talk from my mom, like I got monday night. that might mean an hour long chat with my sister-from-another-mister, that starts with sobs and ends with laughter, like I had yesterday morning. that might mean binge watching gilmore girls while responding to client emails and writing website blog posts, eating only avocado/turkey/sprouts sandwiches for lunch and dinner, and accidentally taking a nap at 4pm. because that’s the kind of day that was given to me yesterday. one day at a time. we’ll get through it, I know we will. but in the meantime, the real truth about all of this, it just really really really sucks. and I’m not going to sugarcoat any of it.